So this is no longer a friends only journal but if you're a friend or an admirer (let's face it, you're only human!), you should still comment here and let me know you're reading cause then we can do the whole adding each other thing.

but I just read my entire friends page and it seems everyone has so much to say except me.

I decided recently (okay, so it was two seconds ago) that I don't have anything to hide anymore. I don't think I want to be hiding anymore. so this is now a public livejournal for the whole world to read, even if I'm talking about them and how shite they were last night at woodlands creatures.

that brings me nicely onto last night. it was my birthday yesterday, and we went to la tasca. I say we as if there was loads of people, but there was about 6 - and two of them were family and one was my best friend, so you could say that three people who had a choice were there. but then one of those three was my friend's boyfriend and he probably was forced to come as well. so you could say that two people made a choice to come. but then kirsty was only there because she wanted to meet natasha (natasha didn't come in the end due to something about grandparents turning up and being like "hey natasha we've booked dinner at 8"), so basically the only person who made a conscious decision that they wanted to come to my dinner was gemma. and she made me a nice card and is my new favourite friend anyway (even though I only see her once every blue moon).

so I guess I should tell you how my life has been since july. I've been working and volunteering with the youth council, mostly. I say mostly as if I was getting shifts, but I wasn't. I am now, though. plenty in the west end, which is currently staffed by monkeys and people with no personality. there's two new people I haven't met, though. but generally speaking (and this is backed up by customers talking to me when I met them at the halt bar) tchai-ovna west end has been lacking in spirit recently. no wonder I feel like slitting my fucking wrists everytime I work there.

for those of you who don't know me or anything like that, I'm basically a pretty boring once-loved, now forgotten character by the name of danny. some people call me daniel, that is normally an indication of age. it seems people over the age of forty are too scared to call people under the age of 30 by a nickname, so they use the full name instead. probably so they seem more important and superior. I work in a tea shop which is staffed (mostly) by crusties. the decent ones left quite a while back, which made it unbearable to work in the west end branch. on the side I've been trying to make websites, but I've ended up giving away all of them and, for the most part, paying out of my own pocket for the domains. I'm also an almost full-time volunteer for south lanarkshire council, in particular south lanarkshire youth council. I won't talk too much about that on this blog, because they've got a crap google ranking, and people ended up on my bebo by googling south lanarkshire youth council. the last thing I want is important councillors finding out I say fuck and made tea for a living.

I want a nice livejournal layout. I'm going to work on that tonight. then I'm going to tidy my house, cause my mummy comes back home tomorrow. then I'm going to wake some people up via text and then they're going to talk to me until I fall asleep, and then they won't be able to get back to sleep. and I'll dream about how they can't get back to sleep and wake up with an erection at 10am.

Our friends became her friends, her friends became my enemies, my friends never cared.
Despite all the effort over the years, she rated other boys higher than she ever did I; dated boys longer than she ever did I.

Smog - It's Rough

When you're down on your luck
And you just can't cope
When the times are bleak
And the friends are few

Don't turn to me
'Cause I'm no hope
Don't turn to me
'Cause I don't know what to do

Maybe you should have a drink
I don't know why you ever stopped anyway

Oh, it's rough
Baby, to live
Oh, it's hard
Baby, to survive
Everyday lately
My mind feels like glass
Ready to be smashed
Ready to be smashed

Oh well, my best friend
Took a bullet through his eye
First he had a patch
Now he's got a glass eye
One hard, glass eye
He says sometimes he wishes
Both his eyes were glass

Well, it's rough
Baby, to live
And it's hard
Baby, to survive
Everyday lately
My mind feels like glass
Ready to be smashed
I'm ready to be smashed

At times I lock myself up
In my room
Don't come over
While I listen to a record
I stare at the cover
Don't come over
Don't come over
'Cause I'm no hope to you
I'm no hope to you

Today I skipped school again, and I skipped sleeping last night.  Had a big chat with Laura yesterday which was nice, but also confusing. 

I'm not sure what it is that has been scaring me from it, but I barely slept all last week (prelim week) and I didn't study even though I knew I had to do both, so I fell asleep during my English exam which I poorly attempted due to not studying and my modern studies exam went okay but only because I had the prelim paper beforehand. Chemistry I skipped for more, unknown reasons - half of me thinks I was scared, but I don't tend to fear things and I was up to go to it.  I went back to sleep and I dunno why, and then I woke up too late.

It's not that I don't care about these things, or that school isn't important to me.  At least I don't tihnk it is.  I don't really know what it is, I don't know what anything is anymore.  My emotions are all over the place and it's dangerous - things like not knowing if the feelings a girl gives you is because she is an ideal best friend or an ideal girlfriend.  Not knowing if you were making up feelings about another girl to help you get over a former, or if you were serious.  Not knowing if the former girl was girlfriend or best friend material.

My pathological lies are getting worse too.  I'm trying so hard to get them better, but even as I'm spitting lies I'm thinking "that's not true, I shouldn't say that" and I do anyway.  Nothing ever big or life changing, and always small things which I would never get caught for.  It's just odd, everything is odd just now.

This is pretty much the first time I've ever said any of these things to anybody, so posting them on a livejournal is a big step.   Hopefully it'll be theraputic, but people might judge me in reality.